Much has been said about the recent Wachowski brothers offering Jupiter Ascending: Why is Sean Bean a bee? What accent is Eddie Redmayne doing? Who wrote this, anyway? Childsplay. The questions circulating the fluidity of the plot and the frame of mind the brothers must have been in whilst penning the film are all secondary to the biggest question on everyone’s lips: What happens exactly in the film? Whilst the directors’ previous efforts have been more than a little confusing (here’s looking at you, Cloud Atlas), they have been so with purpose. Second and third viewings have been illuminating and informative. With Jupiter Ascending, however, it seems that the bonkers and twisting plot is entirely surface and that, were you to watch it multiple times, you would not get any more out of it. The film is a trip and if you’re not along for the ride, there is no way to find a way in.
Despite overwhelmingly negative critical reviews, however, I have a sneaking suspicion that Jupiter Ascending won’t go down in cinematic history as a huge bomb. It has all the ingredients for disaster and despite its insane narrative arc, ridiculous costumes and, erm, questionable performances, it will undoubtedly entertain a huge amount of people.
There’s something about films like this. On paper, they seem awful, the very thought of having to endure even a few minutes of such a work utterly unthinkable. And yet, somehow, they find their following and thrive as cult classics. When things are really that bad, they somehow become entirely great.
Iron Sky
With a tagline like “In 1945, the Nazis went to the moon. In 2018 they are coming back”, it’s no wonder that Iron Sky was all kinds of crazy. Telling the story of (you guessed it) a group of Nazis who have been slowly biding their time on a moon base, the film follows their return to earth in the near future. Needless to say, the large part of critical response was negative, with reviewers arguing that the film felt dated and out of its time. The film, however, has gained a sort of cult status, manifested in large part because of its potential, not because of its actual narrative. The prospect of the film sounds too good to pass up for many movie junkies and whilst it may never live up to their dreams, it can still be heralded as a would-be cult classic.
Dracula
We’re talking both the 1931 and the 1992 versions. Whilst both films score relatively highly on review lists we cannot avoid the fact that truthfully, they’re completely terrible. Christopher Lee’s Dracula barely holds up as a farcical representation of the creature and don’t even get me started on Keanu Reeves “cor blimey guv’nah” accent. When combined, the films may be the campest thing ever to have appeared on any film screen and yet, we love them. Maybe there’s something about vampires which makes us irrevocably entertained. There must be something in the soil, for I can’t begin to explain why I love the films the way that I do
Showgirls
Showgirls was the first NC-17 rated film to be given a wide release across mainstream cinemas and for that, has garnered a cult following. The erotic drama film’s narrative is surprisingly meagre and, were it not for the controversy surrounding the film, it is unlikely that it would have been remembered for anything. Yet, here it is, continuing to be referenced and to make an impact 20 years after its initial release.
Sharktopus
SyFy seems to have developed a nasty little habit of coming up with ridiculous ideas and making a whole lot of money from them. I imagine their boardroom meetings take place when the large part of the staff are inebriated, for how else would you come to the logical conclusion of combining a shark and an octopus? I’m baffled. Inevitably, of course, the film completely blew up after its televisual release; people just can’t get enough of those tentacles, I guess.
Sharknado
And on that note, SyFy went one further recently by coming up with the genius combination of sharks and tornadoes. Hey, I’m not here to judge, I can place both these things on my top ten list of things that scare me; SyFy have tapped into something huge. The only question that I really have to ask is, why are the sharks so angry? I mean, I guess they’re hungry and all but come on.
Grease 2
As if the original film wasn’t bad enough, the cinematic powers that be decided to give us another installment of our favourite high school crew. Yay. This time, of course, the stars of the original have all but fled and we have been left instead with a few stragglers from the original and some shiny, new faces. The film plays up the whole bumbling English nerd (who turns out to be a hottie) quite splendidly and somehow, despite protests from many viewers, has managed to become a cult classic. Audiences probably just can’t get enough of that good time mentality so lovingly forced down their throats. And who can blame them?
Heaven’s Gate
The film that ran up huge budget and time costs and bombed at the box office, Heaven’s Gate has garnered a sort of sacred status in film circles. Acting as a warning to burgeoning filmmakers, the movie was somewhat responsible for the move back to studio-led productions in the film industry. Shot almost exclusively in the golden hour, however, there’s no denying the visual appeal of the film and whilst audiences may have not thought much of it on its release, it has built up a steady following over the years. Things have turned around so much for the film, in fact, that some critics have now labelled it a modern masterpiece. Huh. Think what you will but there’s no denying the fact that 35 years after release, the film may finally have found its audience.