For most of us, school was an interesting experience. Whether you were in or out, growing up in a cesspit of hormones and emotions was a trial for each of us. Whilst it may seem like a lifetime ago now, at the time, school was the be all and end all, the very reason for our existence and the centre of our collective worlds. Anything that happened outside of the looming, rusting gates didn’t seem to matter and adjusting to the real world after leaving was more than a little challenging.
School exists in an entirely different realm from the rest of the world and what happens within its walls rarely touches anything else. The people that we were and the things that we cared about only really mattered within the school’s vicinity; as soon as we graduated, we forgot about nearly all of it.
Thankfully, though, there’s a constant reminder of our schooling years which enables us to live out the very best of our educational memories in the comfort of our own homes. Or not, as the case may be. High schools in the movies, whilst nostalgic and commemorative, rarely mirror actual experience and whilst we can relive a semblance of our schooling careers, we are always somehow left feeling a little dead inside. The school on film is so much better than your experience was. The people are better looking, the sun always shines a little brighter, things always, inexplicably, work out in the end. Growing up in a minute UK village, I looked to the cinematic high school as a kind of mecca, daydreaming endlessly about how much better my life would be if my parents would just up sticks and flee England.
The thing is, though, cinematic high school only makes us feel bad about our lives. It’s as if, in producing something that looks so much better than reality, film producers open up our adolescent wounds even more: your life will never be as good as this. Of course, there’s not just a standard model to our plight; cinema is very crafty and to ruin our dreams, they have set up a myriad of different scenarios. Sit back, then, relax, and wallow in the experience that you will never had. We’re all united in our pain here.
The Grand Declarations of Love
If there’s one thing we obsessed over in school, then it was relationships. Being in one, wanting one, wanting to get out of one, it seems like nothing would ever please us. Hollywood had it down, inevitably and in the majority of teen films, there is some grand declaration of adolescent love. Who knew that teenagers could be so eloquent? Topping the list, of course, is 10 Things I Hate About You, which really represents how a marching band of geeks can be utilized in a creative and romantic way. Bravo, indeed.
The Transformation from Wallflower to Swan
We all dreamed of the day in school when we would inexplicably transform, turning from shy and retiring to head turner overnight. Hands up if it happened to you? This post is not for you, my friend. For the rest of us, we could only look to the movies in awe, wondering time and again how the teenagers couldn’t see beyond the glasses on someone’s face. If only it were that simple in real life. For best transformation, She’s All That takes the cake proving that you can be interested in things other than boys and shopping and be attractive to other people. Who knew?
The Endless Onslaught of Drama
At my school, there was a rumor that a man was picking off students with an axe at the corner of the running field. It turned out to be a farmer sowing seeds. In film high school, things are always much more dramatic and you know that something that seems a little off will turn out to be a full-on ritualistic murder. Or something. The Scream movies are obviously the pinnacle of teen drama, proving that there is nothing more sinister than teen discontent. Even if you thought your school had it bad, the film will trump you by being better looking, funnier and more glamorous, even in death. Sorry.
They All Had Better Clothes
This really needs no explanation and whilst you may think that you dressed well in high school, did you really? Take a look at those photos you buried away years ago and unearth the truth. Whilst very much a product of its time, Mean Girls takes the prize for best dressed schoolkids. The film proves how quickly trends can spread in school and where fashion goes, the school corridor is an entirely new world. Army pants and flip flops, anyone?
The Mean Girls Were Terrifying
You may think that the popular girls in your school were scary, but cinema, as ever, has done one better. Heathers features a girl gang so fierce and passive aggressive that they enter a game of cat and mouse murder. When your school mates’ extra curricular activity involves poison and explosives, you know that things have become a little unruly. What’s even more impressive is how the girls not only manage to dodge the police but also, look truly fabulous whilst doing it. Intimidated? Check.
They Had Magical Powers
Ok, so I might lose a few people here but who else dreamt of becoming a witch in school? Anyone? Hello? Regardless, film shows us once again how lame our lives are by granting its teen stars magical powers and the ability to truly affect their fate. The Craft featured a girl gang so cool that they had the run of the entire school. They may not have been the most popular but when you have magic, do you even care?
In cruel, multiple ways, cinema shows us how much better it can do our rites of passage and that, even when we thought we had it good, we had no idea. Bow down to the graduating class of film high school who had more fun than you and looked better whilst doing it. They probably didn’t enjoy it, anyway.